


Rachael

by Wakefire



Series: What Doesn't Kill You (Makes You) [3]
Category: Alien Series
Genre: Androids, Gen, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, doesn't contain actual android/human boning, lots of talk about android/human boning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-06 02:28:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16379690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wakefire/pseuds/Wakefire
Summary: '“I can have sex with you, if you’d like” was not a sentence Jade was expecting to hear at 9:36 am, in the middle of breakfast, from her synthetic personal assistant/babysitter.'Part 3/?? in a series of one-shots about a girl, androids, feelings, and being human(ish).





	Rachael

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from a song by She Wants Revenge, for the lyrics more than anything else.

“I can have sex with you, if you’d like” was not a sentence Jade was expecting to hear at 9:36 am, in the middle of breakfast, from her synthetic personal assistant/babysitter. It made her spit out about half the coffee in her mouth and inhale the rest, resulting in a violent cough that didn’t end until David whacked her on the back a couple of times.

“What the fuck, David?!” Jade rasped as soon as she regained her ability to speak, blinking water from her eyes.

“While I do not possess the standard male equipment, I am programmed with a variety of techniques to satisfy a sexual partner of any gender”, David spoke in the same calm, deadpan manner as he went to fetch paper towels from the kitchen counter. “I’m sure you’re aware since you have read the specifications of my model, but I thought I should remind you.”

“Not… that part”, Jade sputtered, feeling like her forehead was about to cramp from trying to furrow and raise her brows simultaneously. “I mean – why are coming on to me?!”

“I’m not. I’m simply reminding you that is an option”, David replied as he patted off the coffee puddle on the otherwise spotlessly clean, white table.

“Yeah, but why?”

“In your most recent Amazon order, you purchased several items designed to aid in mast-”

“ _You read my Amazon orders?!!_ ”

David nodded. “Yes. I’m required to monitor all your online purchases to ensure that you don’t buy anything potentially dangerous or illegal”, he explained. “There’s no need to be embarrassed. Sexual urges are perfectly normal, especially in teenage humans, whose hormones -”

“Yeah, I know, I know.” Jade waved her hand. “So you’re offering to – you know – because you think I’m… frustrated?”

“Yes.”

“Not because you want to have sex with me?”

“No.” A slightly concerned frown appeared on David’s forehead. “I’m sorry, did I make you uncomfortable?”

Jade opened and closed her mouth. “Um… Mostly it was just... unexpected.”

Tentatively, she resumed eating breakfast while David walked off to throw the dirty paper towels in the trash. He returned to his usual spot at the opposite side of the table – not that he needed to eat, she just liked the company – laid his hands on the table and crossed his fingers.

“Just to make myself clear -”

“Oh my god”, Jade muttered.

“- I am not adverse to the idea”, David continued, undeterred. “Your well-being is my primary objective, and that includes your mental and sexual health.”

Jade sighed and plopped the sandwich back on its plate. Apparently, she would not get out of having this conversation short of having a stroke. “Look, it’s – nice of you to offer, but I’m good”, she assured. “Besides, I wouldn’t ask you to do something like that, that’d be gross.”

“Because I’m a synthetic?”

“Yes. No! It’s not that _you’re_ gross, or synths in general, it’s just that -” Jade skewered a piece of bacon, rolled it around her fork and stuck it in her mouth. “You’re programmed to do everything I tell you, barring certain exceptions. So technically, you couldn’t say no, right?”

“Technically, you’re correct.” David tilted his head and blinked thoughtfully. The light flowing in through the windows had a way of catching in his eyes sometimes, making them unnaturally bright. “I don’t think most humans would care about that.”

Jade huffed into her coffee cup. “If it’s any consolation, some humans don’t care when it comes to other humans either.” She looked down to the black liquid to dodge the inquisitive expression on the synthetic’s face. “Anyway, in the future, can we _please_ save discussing my sex life until after breakfast?”

“Of course.”

“Good.” About a minute, or three bites of sandwich and one bacon strip later, a horrible thought occurred to Jade. “You’re not reporting all my orders to Mr. Bishop or anyone, are you?”

“Not unless they’re dangerous”, David replies.

“Oh, thank fuck.”

* * *

 “I would like to state for the record that I do not endorse this activity.”

“Come on, what’s the worst thing that could happen?”

“Leaking information about a company prototype, for one. On the other end of the spectrum: alcohol poisoning, drink spiking, sexually transmitted disease, accidental preg-”

“Okay, okay, I get it! Though, for the record, that was mostly a rhetorical question.”

Jade rolled her eyes and threw her jacket over her shoulders. David and her were in the elevator heading down to the parking garage, where they were supposed to join Ching and some other people from the company for a night out. Well, the humans were; David was just there to drive the car and ensure she didn’t get in too much trouble.

“People go to bars all the time, that’s a totally normal thing!” Jade argued as the elevator pinged and the doors slid open. The metal heels of her boots clicked loudly against the concrete floor. “Besides, my birthday was two days ago and I wanna celebrate when I’m still in a country where the legal drinking age is eighteen.”

David raised an eyebrow. “Was it, though?”

“That’s what it says in my official government-issued ID that was totally not created by corporate bribery”, Jade smirked.

“And the fact that your cybernetic arm still lacks skin that passes as human?”

“That’s what the long sleeves and gloves are for”, Jade said, illustrating the point by cracking both her human and synthetic fingers that were covered in purple PU gloves.

“Are you still going to wear those if you, I quote, ‘hook up’ with someone?”

Jade shrugged. “Eh. I’ll burn that bridge when I get to it.”

They were approaching the red Lexus that Jade liked to think as her car, even though it was technically a company car and she probably wouldn’t be allowed to bring it over to the States with her. The others were already waiting by the car and by the looks of it, Ching was in the process of texting her to ask where she was because she was late again.

“Look, I promise to behave. I won’t drink till I pass out, I won’t take any drugs, I won’t challenge anyone to an armwrestling competition, I’ll – use protection if it comes to that. Besides, if I find someone, I’m gonna bring him home with me, and I have the android equivalent of a 150-pound rottweiler so it’s not like he can do anything bad to me”, Jade assured, looking up at the synthetic. “Are you cool with that?”

David gave her a look of exasperated resignation that had become very familiar and sighed. “Fine. I’m cool with that.” 

* * *

 1 hour, 37 minutes, 28 seconds. That was how much time passed between the moment Jade had left the vehicle with the others and her health monitoring chip alerting David to an unusual spike in her body’s chemistry.

Since no club, excluding certain very… specialized establishments, allowed entry to synthetics, David had resigned to waiting in the car and watching over his assigned human digitally from a distance. During that time, he had attempted to distract himself by reading the collected works of Shakespeare and playing Angry Birds. Even though every reading had indicated that Jade was fine, the waiting had made him consider himself lucky he was unable to experience genuine emotion, or he would have been very worried. Even though humans considered clubbing a perfectly normal form of entertainment and social bonding, that didn’t change the fact that statistically speaking, the risk/benefit ratio was atrocious. (Then again, if he had possessed emotions, a significant chunk of his processing power since his most recent reactivation would have been constantly allocated to being worried about Jade Shoto.)

So when he got the alert, he immediately switched to the app in question on the tablet and scanned over the data. Elevated heart rate, adrenaline and cortisol. Along with a few more minor readings, they painted an unspecified yet clear picture: Jade was in trouble.

David immediately exited the car, locked the doors and took off running to Jade’s GPS coordinates by the club. Arriving by the back entrance, he met a scene that was actually bigger than he expected, which was an achievement of sorts. Fortunately, Jade looked physically unharmed and was standing on her on two feet. The unfortunate part was that she was being restrained by one of the club’s bouncers, surrounded by a police car and an ambulance, and yelling at the man that was standing by the ambulance with the police officers. The man was a Japanese male of average height and build, unremarkable except for the blood pouring down from his nose that he was covering with his hands.

“Are you alright?” David asked as soon as he reached her. “What happened?”

“Yeah, I’m fine”, Jade replied. She was breathing heavier than normally and there was a light sheen of sweat on her face. Under different circumstances, he would have attributed those to normal club activities. “That _fucker_ kept grinding on me and eventually grabbed my ass, so I decked him.”

Judging by the amount of blood on the man’s face and the tooth that David spotted on the curb, he could extrapolate which hand she had used to hit him.

“Did you tell him to stop?” David asked.

“I did tell him, in three languages!” Jade yelled. “Obviously, he didn’t listen!”

Both her hands were still spun in fists and her pupils were much smaller than the present lighting would require. David bit his teeth together as he turned his attention to the bouncer while simultaneously taking out his phone.

“Unhand her”, he told the bouncer in Japanese. The man looked like he wanted to argue, but at least partially due to the fact that David was half a foot taller if not much heavier, decided not to. “Wait here”, he then said to Jade. “I will take care of this.”

While he walked over to Jade’s assailant, David dialed Weyland-Yutani’s insurance department on call (or ‘fixers’, as they were unofficially known as).

“What the -” the assailant started, but David interrupted him by handing him the phone.

“Please take this call. They will explain everything.”

The police officers didn’t appreciate his intervention, but soon they too got a clarifying phone call, as someone from the insurance department called the local police station, who in turn called the cops in question. David didn’t have to do anything but stand there, hands clasped, and wait for the calls to finish. His sensors were sensitive enough to hear all parties on both ends of the calls. In summary, Weyland-Yutani guaranteed to pay the man’s medical expenses, including the replacement of his detached teeth (at least three), plus additional compensation. In return, he would agree not to file a report or pursue legal action.

“I hope that solves the matter?” David said, smiling politely, as the man handed him the phone back.

“Yes”, the man replied somewhat grudgingly, holding a packet of ice to his nose. “This is still bullshit. That bitch is crazy and she hits like a truck. What is she, a robot?”

David replied with continuing unfaltering smile. “Have a pleasant evening, Mister Ishikawa.”

Jade was still standing where he had left her when he returned, hugging herself and shooting him a questioning look.

“It’s taken care of”, David said, switching back to English. “You’re good to go.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

David had been worried that Jade wanted to go back to the club, but fortunately she followed him back to the car with no negotiation required. She slammed the door shut and crossed her arms across her chest, curling up on the front seat.

“Are you alright?” David asked again, despite the readings that had largely returned back to normal levels. Well, except her blood alcohol content, but that would take hours.

Jade was quiet for a moment. “I’m hungry”, she finally said in a small voice. “Can we get McDonald’s?”

Keeping Jade’s junk food consumption in check was a constant struggle, but in this case, David calculated that the positive effect on her mood overweighed the harm of saturated fat and excess sodium, so he made a stop at a drive-through. About half a container of fries later, her face had regained its normal color and she spoke up suddenly.

“Have you ever… you know….”

“What?”

“Sex?”

“I don’t know”, David replied, keeping his eyes on the road.

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I don’t remember”, David clarified. “As you know, synthetics’ memories are wiped between assignments due to privacy concerns. If any of the people I worked with on my earlier assignments took advantage of my sexual functions, I have no recollection of it.”

In the rearview mirror, he saw Jade staring at him with wide eyes, mouth hanging open slightly.

“...I’m sorry”, she said quietly, almost a whisper.

David turned to look at her, frowning. “What for?”

Jade didn’t answer, instead she picked up several more fries and stuffed them in her mouth. After taking a long sip of her Coca-Cola, she let her head drop against the headrest and sighed deeply.

“I hate humans”, she muttered.

“Don’t you mean people?”

Jade shook her head. “I have never been sexually assaulted or harassed by an android or, I don’t know, a martian. It’s always been human men, and the occasional woman. So I’m inclined to think the human part is the problem.”

David huffed. “And you don’t consider yourself a part of that group?”

Jade smirked. “Only like 94 percent. Technically I’m classified as a cyborg.”

“I would make a case for rounding up to majority, but considering you have UV vision and can punch through four inches of steel, I concede to your argument.”

Jade laughed and almost snorted soda up her nose. To David, that was an even greater success than cleaning up the mess by the club. “Hey, wanna watch a movie with me when we get home?”

“Can I pick the movie?” David asked.

Jade frowned suspiciously. “Depends, what do you wanna watch?”

“ _Lawrence of Arabia_.”

Jade grumbled. “Fine. Only because I like you. And you can’t be mad if I fall asleep.”

**Author's Note:**

> I mean, this David isn’t THE David but he’s still A David.


End file.
